The Rue

 In the  Spice aisle In Wal Mart  I spotted the  Mustard seed Before  The bay leaves  And Jesus  And I  Had a silent chat  This afternoon  As other shoppers  Went about  Their days

 You are Faithful  Who knew My tears  Shed today  Would be  Of gratitude  Not despair  Or misery  Thank you  Lord The lifter Of my head And heart

 Loving my life  As my body  Keeps needing  Help to Stay upright  And functional 

 Cinnamon spice Finding sweetness  Where bitterness  Would usually be Grateful that Worship  Brings repentance  And Grace  Each time 

 In the Foggy frost My soul Comes as Alive As wellies Gliding  Through  Wet mud

 I’m learning  That the lessons Learned in childhood Apply to getting older Than I’d ever imagined You will wait. You will hate it. You will still wait. Instant gratification is never gratifying.  You will learn to become the tortoise. Again and again. You will learn there are no cures. You will manage symptoms as long as you live. Life will be your best teacher and yet greatest impediment. You will walk your own path because none is made for you. You will find that God is your moral compass from lashing out at stupidity, ignorance and je ne sais quoi. You will learn the life’s not fair continuously yet accept that said reality many times over. You will ask questions until you’re blue in the face.  You will find solace in that song you haven’t heard in years. The mission to feel. Apathy and indifference will kill a spirit with seconds. Ask. The minute I stopped asking, it is the minute I have lost curiosity. Curiosity equals hope for me. Love. Love. And love some mor...

 Grateful for The little things  Turns out They’re not So little  I’m being taught  My hard head Is finally listening  Surrender  The best decision  I’ve ever made Save for  The salvation  Of a tired soul It takes too much  Energy  To fight wars  I didn’t start 

 Guard my tongue For what  Flows from it Matters As I so  Happened  To read yesterday  Fine tune The creation That is me I need it More than I ever Thought possible 

 Every day  Is a lesson  In truth  Trust  And obedience  Love is  The fulfillment of The law

 The journey  Is a roller coaster  Of emotions  Guide me  As you Guard my  Heart

 The salty waters  And its  Relative calm  Today Remind me Of the Goodness found  When the noise  Is not present 

 Down the Country road I go Passing those Cows mooing The horses neighing And the goats  Roaming around Like they Rule the roost

 Peace  Flow through me Like rivers Of serenity  Knowing  Who holds The head Up in Times Of uncertainty and  Malaise  Finding You  Is the pot Of gold  At the end  Of the rainbow 

 Mountain air  Clear my head My mind  And its  Many thoughts  That lead me Astray From the mission Set before me To glorify Greatness Not my  Own selfishness In self reflection  Flaws are unearthed So that true Real and  Lasting repentance Can begin Love others As you seek To love The one Who desires Your presence

 Finding joy And hope  Seeking it Because  My soul Needs to Smile  And be thankful 

 Mountains outside  My window Fire roaring  Indoors As I’m cuddled  In a buffalo check Print blanket  As I attempt  To not  Fall asleep  With sweet dreams 

 Finding the joy In the mundane The letters In the mail The smiles The hugs And everyday  Kindness I encounter Sending love Back to you All in spades Give goodness Whenever  And whenever You can

 The sun reflects Of the grass As I look Up from The shadow cast And thank  God that  I’m to  Look above  For guidance Wisdom And direction

 Cool sand Brisk wind Cold waters To shock My soul In alignment With Your Creation

 Worship music on My soul activates My mouth sings My mind calms And now I start To dedicate Myself To being love In a world That craves it More than Sparkling water Bubbling up Like the gooiest cheese In a favorite  Mac and cheese May my words Reflect Your Grace

 On R’s Rue, my other blog, someone called me a Jesus influencer. If you need context, go to rsrue.blogspot.com where you can read and opine if you like. I don’t know if I’m an influencer even if it is for Jesus. I just desire that my heart replicates His love. That I’m a follower who does what’s right. A follower who doesn’t engage in debates that strip my soul of goodness. My life has taught me that nothing is given.  I don’t know what I’d call this season. It’s had everything. Devastation, despair, hope, euphoria, then brought back to earth gently. It’s the season where I’m realizing the Bible is not a book for my whims. It’s for my daily life. Depression and anxiety have been a part of my story for so long, that I accepted defeat. I accepted that delayed dreams don’t become reality after a certain age. I’ve been chasing an outcome, instead of trusting a process as one of favorite pastors mentioned. I’ve wanted His timing to align with mine.  Christ followers, I hope y...

 Seeing more  And more  Of Your goodness Each day And it Just warms My heart And soothes  My soul To see You haven’t  Left me I’ve just Returned To you

 Life is like a baseball game. Feels like nine innings of highs and lows. Some days you hit home runs. More days than not you strike out. Life lately feels like a mix of both. High highs and low lows. It’s in the lows that God is teaching me to appreciate the highs, because the lows are inevitable. In this season, the lows are teaching me how much I need Him.  I need Him To guide me Hold me And reassure me As He continues To humble me In a way I never Thought  He would God is surprising me In each and every day How to soar How to fall And thank Him For the gains And the pain I never thought I would thank the Lord for the pain, but the valley has brought me more wisdom than ever. It has realigned my thoughts. My hopes and dreams haven’t changed even as the timing has been delayed more times than I can count. There is a purpose in this. I don’t know what it is. I’m not asking that anymore. The more I ask, the more I don’t like the answer. This is my humanity showing for you...

 I’m realizing a few things in the past few months.  When you put your trust in God, your lose the world slowly but surely. I’ve not missed it much. I won’t still say I don’t have pangs of FOMO. I’m having to trust that what I want God knows it, and it will happen when it’s meant to.  My social media feeds are flooded with a pop star’s music. Good for her. Have I listened?  No. I have to stick to my favorite classics and worship music to keep my heart mind and soul fixed on the One in whom my soul sings. I’m having to rid myself of the temptation to want things right now. I also don’t want to follow a crowd. I’ve done it for far too long to disastrous results.  I want to God to smile when He thinks of me. I want to make a difference. I want what I do to matter. I’m appreciating the journey because I’m being honest with myself and others. I’m learning what it is to love self. Fully and without conditions. I’m learning that not everyone will like me, and that’s ok...

 I’m learning I work At my  Own pace I will listen But I need To listen To the Voice That supersedes  All The world  Can zap The good Out of me So I must  Remain confident In the One Who gives Life meaning Beyond The ordinary Into Exemplary

 Finding hope In the places Where despair Used to reside What a  Welcome change Change has  Been hard But nothing Compares To the pain A soul In turmoil Endures